Musica come Antidoto

I look at my watch over and over again. It is almost time.

The moment I’ve been waiting for for 17 years.

This may sound cliché, but in German ‘strangely’ (because everyone says German sounds perpetually pissed off) we have a word with a somewhat harsh sound that means ‘sound’.

This word is ‘Der Klang’.

It can mean a hard sound or a soft sound, there is no difference.

Here, I never had the feeling of the sound of the word ‘Der Klang’ until the beginning of ‘My cosmos is mine’.

Every beat rumbles from my head to my feet and my heart feels like it is about to explode. I feel the notes enter my ears, flow through my veins and electricity, neurotransmitters and hormones flood my brain and I find myself in peace of mind…

Finally… This is the big moment….

Until I see them.

There I become a pillar of salt.

The rational part of me, which usually analyses every sound as if everyone were on different tracks of a mixer, shuts down.

This has never happened to me before.

I stand dumbfounded, wide-eyed. I have no idea how much time has passed when I suddenly turn to a girl next to me and ask, ‘Do you see them too? Do they really exist in the flesh? Isn’t this a hallucination caused by the heat?”

The girl confirms to me that yes, they are there in the flesh. I go to the bar for a moment to get a cola and say to the bartenders:

“Now I understand my mum when she explains Our Lady’s apparitions to me.”

During the whole of “My cosmos is mine” and “Wagging tongue” I stand there dumbfounded and unable to react. In my head it is a whirlwind of emotions: happiness, admiration, shock, total disbelief.

This impasse resolves itself when ‘Walking in my shoes’ begins.

The rational part of my brain wakes up and finally begins to process what is happening, but the shock is replaced by the personal emotional vomit that this song causes me.

‘Walking in my shoes’ is musically poignant and lyrically devastating for all the people who have felt blamed for being in a difficult situation. I think there are many of us who would be particularly liberating to sing that:

Now I’m not looking for absolution

Forgiveness for the things I do

But before you come to any conclusions

Try walking in my shoes

Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps

Keep the same appointments I kept

If you try walking in my shoes

If you try walking in my shoes

…

I’m not looking for a clearer conscience

Peace of mind after what I’ve been through

And before we talk of any repentance

Try walking in my shoes

Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps

Keep the same appointments I kept

If you try walking in my shoes

If you try walking in my shoes

Try walking in my shoes

Absolution? Guilty conscience? Repentance? Remorse?

I wish.

A brief respite is provided by ‘It’s no Good’ in which the whole stadium goes wild dancing.

One thing that always strikes me about ‘It’s no good’ is that, despite its age, it sounds like it came out in the present day. It sounds so modern and futuristic that it doesn’t get tired or age at all! The bass line moves you on its own, the sounds from Enterprise seem to come from the year 3000 and that chorus is made to be sung.

I don’t want to use the term ‘perfect’ loosely, but in my opinion this song is perfect. Live it is even more dynamic and it is absolutely one of the songs that should never be missing from their live repertoire. It could only be improved by Dave and Martin with their costumes and hair in the video… It would be an epic moment.

After this moment of euphoria we return to the sadness of the Sister of Night – In your Room combination.

‘Sister of Night’ is that song that represents a caesura in Dave’s life.

The only song to come out of Electric Lady Studio in New York, recorded in multiple takes because Dave’s voice was now so bad after years and years of drug abuse.

I have in my mind that image of Dave, standing in front of the microphone with headphones on, a cigarette in his hand and his eyes closed, not sure if in thought, tiredness or the classic heroin nod.

Instead I now have before me a Dave in splendid form and I think of all the strength he had to get out of that hell. I wonder what he is thinking right now, or what he is thinking when he sings songs from Songs of Faith and Devotion.

“The only [Ultra] vocal I recorded at Electric Lady Studios – the only vocal I performed done – was ‘Sister Of Night’. I can feel how scared I was. I’m glad it’s there to remind me. I could see the pain I was causing everyone”.

Whatever the desire on ‘Sister of Night’, it is a destructive desire that all-consuming.

It is good that this song remains as a reminder that not all desires are to be exhausted and that pleasure does not always lead to good things.

Sister of night

When the hunger descends

And your body’s a fire

An inferno that never ends

An eternal flame

That burns in desire’s name

Sister of night

When the longing returns

Giving voice to the flame

Calling you through flesh that burns

Breaking down your will

To move in for the kill

Oh sister

Come for me

Embrace me

Assure me

Hey sister

I feel it too

Sweet sister

Just feel me

I’m trembling

You heal me

Hey sister

I feel it too

I feel it too I feel it too, that need to not be the only one to feel this hole inside.

“In Your Room” continues this melancholic moment.

One of Martin’s most beautiful lyrics, a masterpiece of ambiguity that everyone can interpret as they wish.

After the first gentle part, vocals, guitar and piano, the song explodes and Dave with it. He moves like a panther across the stage and attacks the audience, then pirouettes with the microphone stand as a partner and balances with not bad technique for not being a dancer.

Dave and Martin sing this song about co-dependence together, and it is significant to see Dave singing by physically placing himself towards Martin, momentarily forgetting the audience. Dave and Martin are two planets that have always revolved around each other, and that despite all the problems, disagreements and trying to get out of each other’s orbit, are meant to stay together, side by side, to accompany and elevate each other.

It has taken decades and Andy’s sad departure, but they have finally realised it. This new attunement can be clearly seen on stage. Smiles, kisses, hugs and an invisible thread that binds these two people.

‘Everything Counts’ is another one of the 80s hits, but this too sounds like a song from the future, like ‘It’s No Good’. The synths are fresher and more original than 90% of the musical productions of our times, the use of the shawm and melodica to emphasise certain parts of the song who knows who would ever think of it, but it fits perfectly! If you think that in this period our guys were going around construction sites and the like looking for any interesting noise to sample, you cannot fail to be impressed by the inventiveness and innovative spirit of these guys. The anti-capitalist lyrics are more relevant than ever in today’s hyper-competitive and consumerist society.

I think I am one of the few people who likes ‘Precious’ up to a certain point, so I prefer to skip it.

‘My Favourite Stranger’ is one of my favourite songs on Memento Mori, and some may find it a bit repetitive, but to me that bass line pumps like no other. I find it mean, mysterious, aggressive with all these guitar licks that seem to scratch you. I find it a bit of a throwback to the dark Depeche Mode of yesteryear and I really like it for that.

It’s time for ‘Home’.

Martin moves to the platform and starts singing about his personal hell. My heart tightens as if in a vice.

Home is the perfect example of how a ballad can get to the heart without being melancholic.

Tim Simenon’s production, this slow beat creates a feeling almost of anticipation, of waiting for Martin’s narrative to begin. Strings accompany the song, setting the tone at various points in the song and supporting Martin’s confession.

Feels like home

I should have known

From my first breath

God send the only true friend

I call mine

Pretend that I’ll make amends

The next time

Befriend the glorious end of the line

And I thank you

For bringing me here

For showing me home

For singing these tears

Finally I’ve found

That I belong here

Thinking about that ‘Befriend the glorious end of the line’ always gives me the chills. Thank you Martin, for hanging in there. I know something about that.

The final strings give a feeling of respite, of liberation. Martin seems as if a weight has been lifted off his chest, he leads the audience like a conductor and everyone follows him.

There is gratitude in my face and in the faces of so many others, to have someone who puts our feelings, fears, doubts into writing. Someone we can identify with.

The man with wings, an angel full of talent and sweetness.

Thank you again, Martin.

What a surprise! I never expected ‘But not tonight’.

The stadium is completely lit up by mobile phone lights acting as modern-day lighters that you don’t burn yourself with, thankfully.

A very sweet song and a lyric in which shines a happy Martin who for a moment insulates himself from the tornado of fame created with Violator and reflects on the beauty of a simple moment in life, without all the excesses that have now reduced Depeche Mode to the worst of clichés.

Just for a day on a day like today

I’ll get away from this constant debauchery

The wind in my hair makes me so aware

How good it is to live tonight

And I haven’t felt so alive in years

…

The moon is shining in the sky

Reminding me of so many other nights

When my eyes have been so red

I’ve been mistaken for dead

But not tonight

It would have been nice if he had remembered this in later years, during the Songs of Faith and Devotion debacle. The rain and wind that cleanses the soul, being able to feel good about ourselves even on our own, without the lies we tell ourselves, the chaos we seek and the means we use to silence the voice inside us.

‘Ghosts again’ is a song that is both melancholic and hopeful. After all, what is Depeche Mode if not the perfect representation of the duality of the human being? Hearing ‘Everybody says goodbye’ and thinking about Fletch is hard, not least because his departure came so suddenly, but that ‘We’ll be ghosts again’ gives that hope of one day finding ourselves in a better place.

It is strange because at this moment the more preparatory distorted sound of the high-water sirens in Venice begins.

It is time for ‘I feel you’.

All thoughts of death and life are annihilated by the mental orgasm this song provokes. Martin’s riff and Dave’s elongated vocal make you want to grind heavily on the first useful surface or hump the first useful person. There is something so discordant between the lyrics that seem to speak of this feeling as an ascension to heaven and the music so aggressive and sensual.

I feel you

Your precious soul

And I am whole

I feel you

Your rising sun

My kingdom comes

Even the tempos between the last stanzas have an aggressive, anticipatory tone, as if we were just about to reach the song’s climax (and in my mind, another one too, if you will).

OK, in the end we’re talking about Martin Gore who thought sex was his religion, which is then the same Martin Gore Prince BDSM, so… Pardon the comparison.

Speaking of siren-crackers, ‘A Pain that I’m used to’ is not a song I particularly like. The only thing I find interesting is the lyrics, dating back to the time of Dave and Martin’s rifts.

‘World in my eyes’ starts and Andy’s image appears on the big screens. I think the whole stadium has a knot in its throat and is holding back a tear right now.

Modern, minimal and sensual, it is as sophisticated as ‘I feel you’ is unabashedly sexy.

Honestly, it doesn’t do that to me anymore, sadly, because since Andy’s been gone all I do is see his face in my mind when I listen to this song. I just hope he’s watching us from up there and that he sees all the affection his fans feel for him.

We miss you Andy.

“Wrong” makes me want to scream every time I hear it, because it’s like hearing yourself list all the evil in you, all the shit you’ve done and you’re standing there putting the crosses down with your head down thinking back to the worst things you’ve done. That’s why I’m taking the opportunity to take a tactical toilet break because otherwise my liver will burst.

And then… Stripped. I’m still washing my hands that I hear the opening arpeggio and explode into a “Fuck!!!!” that they must have heard to I don’t know where. I start running, get past security, keep running and arrive at our elevated position with bated breath. Too bad I didn’t see that there was another security guard running after me to check my pass. OK, I apologise, but there’s ‘Stripped’ and I freaked out heavily for a moment.

‘Stripped’ is my second favourite song (behind ‘Barrel of a Gun’ for sentimental reasons). Every time I listen to it my insides twist and my heart tries to get out of my chest, not to mention crying hysterically.

I don’t know why, this song is so sincere that it takes my breath away. Perhaps it is the desire for someone to say these words to you in reality, someone who wants you as you are, in the middle of nature, without distractions.

The almost tempting verse part then introduces that crescendoing refrain that you can only sing like an ultras chorus.

Come with me into the trees

We’ll lay on the grass and let the hours pass

Take my hand, come back to the land

Let’s get away, just for one day

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone

Metropolis has nothing on this

You’re breathing in fumes, I taste when we kiss

Take my hand, come back to the land

Where everything’s ours for a few hours

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone

Let me hear you make decisions

Without your television

Let me hear you speaking just for me

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone (let me hear you speaking just for me)

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone (let me hear you crying just for me)

Let me see you stripped

Down to the bone (let me hear you speaking just for me)

The instrumental synth bridge before the last verse devastates me emotionally, and the last verse with Dave and Martin singing back to back I don’t know, it has an effect on me that I honestly can’t explain in words (or I could but I’ll self-censor and spare you)

“John the Revelator” makes anyone go wild. A driving blues with all those hooks that turn it almost into a nursery rhyme in the middle part. The stadium turns into a Methodist church and everyone is dancing and singing along. All we need is the gospel choir and we’re full!

‘Enjoy the Silence’ does not need to be reviewed. One of the most brilliant songs of all time. We all just agree.

Our loved ones take a bow and take a moment’s rest, rightly so. Not only because of the actual fatigue of singing and playing, but also because despite the fact that it is evening, the heat is still getting to them.

It’s time for the encore. Dave and Martin take to the end of the catwalk and start singing an acoustic version of ‘Waiting for the night’ together.

Been waiting for the night to fall (night to fall)

I knew that it would save us all (save us all)

Now everything’s dark

Keeps us from the stark reality

Been waiting for the night to fall (night to fall)

Now everything is bearable (bearable)

And here in the still

All that you feel is tranquillity

What to say. Dave and Martin’s voices are made to harmonise together. Dave’s warm baritone and Martin’s sweet tenor are two blends that, put together, create this sound that hits you straight in the heart and takes no prisoners.

They both lull us with this lullaby that conveys all the tranquillity of the night, a night that separates us from reality and makes everything bearable, just like their songs.

Martin concludes with one of his choruses accompanied by the audience, raising goose bumps with his poignant voice.

‘Waiting for the night’ ends, Dave and Martin embracing, bowing to each other and smiling. I’m getting emotional, I want to see them happy and together forever and ever, amen.

‘Just can’t get enough’ is one of those songs you have to do, given its huge success back in the day. Musically I still find it very good, though admittedly a bit juvenile, otherwise you sing it the way you sang songs as a teenager and party.

“Never let me down again”… Ah, my beloved anthem of making friends beyond one’s gender!!! I don’t want to consider drugs because I’ve already seen enough people gone bad. Better to think about camping and doing bad things in the car (or van) with whoever you want.

I’m taking a ride

With my best friend

I hope he never lets me down again

He knows where he’s taking me

Taking me where I want to be

I’m taking a ride with my best friend

We’re flying high

We’re watching the world pass us by

Never want to come down

Never want to put my feet back down

On the ground

I’m taking a ride

With my best friend

I hope he never lets me down again

Promises me I’m as safe as houses

As long as I remember who’s wearing the trousers

I hope he never lets me down again

Never let me down

See the stars, they’re shining bright

Everything’s alright tonight

Apart from the crescendo in the final cornfield, this song has a special place in my heart because it reminds me of happy times of yesteryear (I refrain from giving details).

On this meaningful evening, I find a moment to look at the stars.

See the stars, they’re shining bright

Everything’s alright tonight

All is right with the world.

“Personal Jesus”. Another song that needs no judgement.

It’s sad to see them leave the stage but unfortunately nothing lasts forever. I watch them until the last possible second with eyes full of gratitude for all the wonderful music they have given us and for this beautiful evening. I am sure they felt all the love that the audience, including me, showed towards them.

I speed out of the Dall’Ara Stadium to try to get to the car park as quickly as possible. Fortunately the special ticket allowed me to park close by and so I leave immediately, without finding any traffic.

An hour and a half to get home, watching the lines on the road and going slowly because tiredness is setting in.

But… Fuck… If I had to die tomorrow it would be OK.

I have crowned the dream of my adolescence. I’ve had a good time and now I know for sure that, work commitments aside, I’ll try to see them whenever I can because I’ve seen so many concerts, but no one has entered me and filled my heart like Depeche Mode. I can’t explain why.

Actually I do know why, but it is difficult to explain in words. The only thing I can do is express my gratitude and carry the memory of tonight with me always.

Setlist

My Cosmos Is Mine

Wagging Tongue

Walking in My Shoes

It’s No Good

Sister of Night

In Your Room (Zephyr Mix)

Everything Counts

Precious

My Favourite Stranger

Home

But Not Tonight

Ghosts Again

I Feel You

A Pain That I’m Used To (Jacques Lu Cont’s Remix)

World in My Eyes (Dedicated to Andrew Fletcher)

Wrong

Stripped

John the Revelator

Enjoy the Silence

Bis

Waiting for the Night (Acoustic)

Just Can’t Get Enough

Never Let Me Down Again

Personal Jesus